9-1-1 is my life

My intentions were never for my blog to be about my life as a 9-1-1 dispatcher, although it can certainly be said that 9-1-1 is my life. For this post, I have chosen to switch it up and give you a little more of "Only Barb". I remember a time when being human and making a mistake so to speak was just that. If you hurt someone’s feelings, they would speak up and tell you and then you would apologize and life goes on. However, the case is very much different now, if you hurt someone’s feelings you're sent to the Human Resources department with some sort of harassment claim. If you're like me, then you are stuck in the middle of two generations. The generations of speaking up and solving the problem and the new system of ‘go tell the boss someone is bothering you’.

**Disclaimer**

It is crucial to say that even when people were more straightforward with each other there were still some who were shy and needed assistance to speak up for themselves because they could not do it on their own. I am not against this in any way. Bullying and any part of being unkind is just wrong to me.

You will not believe how many times I have wanted to write and share a post with all of you who have signed on to know more about me but I'm afraid of offending someone. Last week, my friend and I sat in on a training class, my instructor who is only 12 years my senior directed a question to the both of us.

He said, "are you girls doing okay back there?" Before we could answer, he jumped in with an apology as if we were offended and asked if we preferred ladies or women. Why is it that we have to worry about so many grey lines of being P.C. now? In this scenario, I know he did not mean it in an offensive context. I'm old enough to decipher between a hidden meaning in the use of the word "girls" and when it’s used innocently. I think these rules and fear of consequences makes us a little less connected and a little less empathetic because we are always wondering about how NOT to break the rules.                 I watched "The Trials of Gabriel Fernandez"

Barb in 1987 at age 8. The same age 
Gabriel Fernandez died from abuse
in 2013.

story and although it has nothing to do with whether we can call grown women girls without being offensive or not, the climate of it all takes away people’s willingness to want to be involved because they are afraid of breaking a rule. I watched countless times in the docuseries how the abuse was reported over and over and no one did anything. I do not want to be crass and point blame at individuals but I do want to be clear with my point of view.

People have allowed the "stay out of it", "mind your own business", "I don't want anything to do with it" attitude to spill over far too much. The teacher consistently reported the abuse and was hushed by her boss telling her that it was out of their scope of help by law. At some point her hands were tied and she could not do anything else. There was a security guard who called his boss and his boss said we don't have anything in the manual that tells us what to do about this situation. He went a step further and told the employees of the social services office who said they could not get involved because they could not pay overtime to wait after hours for the investigation. I think all that is happening in relation to this, is a direct effect of us all being a part of the lawsuit age. This puts you in that ‘damned if you do and damned if you don't box’.

As I watched it all go down, it took me back to a time when I was taken away by the state to be placed into Foster Care custody. I remember being in the counselor’s office prior to this occurrence and I had been discussing my new living situation with her. She had asked some questions and I thought I was in a safe space and so I just rambled away. When she asked me why I was not staying with my legal guardian, my aunt, I told her I was staying with friends of my family due to the Northridge Earthquake damaging my aunt’s house and it was being repaired. She wasn't satisfied with my responses and decided to ask more questions. I opened right up and told her my aunt was abusing me and her boyfriend was sketchy and I never really wanted to return to her home and would rather stay where I was with my new mom and dad. At that point, the counselor said by law she had to call children services and report the abuse I spoke of. When the social worker showed up, she came in barking orders and told me I was going to have to go to McLaren hall. Back then most of us knew McLaren Hall as the "kiddie jail" where delinquents went. I was terrified and so I started crying. I could not understand why I was in trouble for telling what horrible things my adult did to me. The way the social worker was speaking to me, you could tell the counselor was quite upset with it. She told me to go to the bathroom and wash my face. While I was in the bathroom trying to control my tears, she walked in and said “don't ask any questions, just come with me. Where does your mom work?” she asked as we walked.

 The counselor got the needed information and then she whisked me away and took me to my mom’s job. After that, all hell broke loose with the social worker and police but the one thing I will never forget is how the counselor put her neck out for me that day because she did not feel comfortable leaving me in questionable care of the social worker who made it seem as though I had done something wrong. The abusive way the social worker came in and took over, the counselor felt she needed to do something. Was what she did right? By law probably not, but she acted like a person who didn’t want to see fear in a kid with uncertainty of protection, yes that is what she saw and she acted on it.

I have a feeling that if Gabriel’s teacher was born twenty years earlier she may have taken a more aggressive approach as far as getting him direct help. But with the ways things are now, fear makes it so difficult to act. People are afraid to do anything outside of the scope, whether it is right or wrong.

**Disclaimer**

I am NOT placing any blame on the teacher. She put in multiple efforts to get Gabriel help but due to procedures and how things are today, her hands were absolutely tied. On a way smaller scale, I'm afraid to tell you some personal stories because only GOD knows if I will offend the wrong person. If I do offend the wrong person, I am certain that I will be the subject of a viral social media post. Things are so different in present day, and although I do  appreciate the strides we have made to make social interactions safer, I still think in some way they are misconstrued and we are pulled away from the idea of "just do something to help".

Take the following call for instance;

"Operator 43, what is your emergency?"

"I was driving home from work and I saw a person laying on the bus bench under a cover. I think you need to check on him. "

 "Okay, can you tell if the person needs medical assistance?"

"I'm not really sure. I don't think he is breathing." 

"Did you yell out your window or honk your horn to see if they need help?"

"No, I am not going to do your job! Your salary is paid for by me and you need to just do your job and get here!"

"Yes, I have dispatched units already but often times when people call about a person down on the ground, it tends to be someone just sleeping."

 "I know they ain't sleeping! I told you they need help!"

"Okay thank you for your call, help is on the way."

"Can you hurry and get here!?"

 "Please be assured, help is on the way."

"Good! Cause the person has been there since I drove past them this morning on my way to work."

"Oh, this morning was there movement?"

"No, that's why I think they are dead. They are in the same spot as this morning. I just thought someone else would have called by now to check. "

"No, we don't have any calls to that location."

"So you mean I am the only one who cared enough to call."

"Yes, and thank you for caring."

"Okay, I hope you can help him. I hear the sirens, thank you."

"Radio squelch"

"Dispatch cancel all units person sleeping only"  

In this case, yes the person was sleeping and did not need any medical help however sometimes that's not the case. No matter what if you see something, say something.  I'd much rather send help and the person is found sleeping versus not sending help at all and the outcome is not positive because a person thought someone else would have called.